Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
