So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
