you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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