I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
we should paint friendship bongs
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