Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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