I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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