Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
