wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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