U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
