Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
