bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
