that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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