I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
