playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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