Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I think i got beer on your cat.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
