i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
