so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
