In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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