Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just gargled with NyQuil
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
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