i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
