I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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