I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
