whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Duck Duck Cougar?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
