Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
