ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
