hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
