Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
