Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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