Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm getting married
To pizza
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
