Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
This toilet bowl is my home.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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