I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
