so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
