Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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