Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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