I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I need water and some morals
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
