i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
