She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
