No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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