this just has baby written all over it
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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