I accidentally burped into my bong.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
