I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
