you guys were way drunker than both of me
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
