tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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