Apparently you make a good broom.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
