Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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