stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
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