my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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