I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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