you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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