remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
