I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize