Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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