What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You need Xanax blowdarts
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
