I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
