i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
