Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
