I accidentally had phone sex last night
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
