if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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