ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
