How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
