ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
