Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
