Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
