maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I could make wine with my vomit
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
