Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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