your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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