He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
