When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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