Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
