after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
