pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
