i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
